So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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