let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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