is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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