my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
