Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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