Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
