if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
