i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
