Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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