just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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