this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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