I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I need to stop coming to work sober
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
