He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
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