believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
