I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
