# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
