hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
