morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
