You're completely useless in the revolution.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
