Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
