wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
