and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
