winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
