I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
