Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
