I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
