I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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