stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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