so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
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