She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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