I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
