Yo dont text me then not text me
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
