HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
