On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
