I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
