I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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