dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
