Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
