I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Randomize
