My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
