I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
