she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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