I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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