It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
