Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
