Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
