is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
