I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
