I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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