I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
