Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You were trust falling into bushes
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
